These are my confessions

Who: Scott (and Tobias via PM)
When: A while later
Where: There.

Scott had been pacing for a while, as much as he hated it. He didn't want to go to sleep, because he wasn't a hundred percent convinced he'd wake up, and if he did, where it would be. Right now, at least, he was safe, even if he was still just this side of pneumonia. He'd passed on Stan's message to Bri and hoped that the message got where it needed to. This was one seriously messed up game of telephone they were playing, and he was sure the scientists were enjoying every second of it.

He was a little surprised, and he had to admit, a little upset that Casey had not made an appearance since he'd first been thrown out into the cold. Even though he knew that she was dead, her presence had become kind of comforting to him, a form of stability in this insane world he'd been living in. Why wasn't she around anymore? Had coming that close to death exorcised that particular demon?

He didn't know how long he'd been pacing and coughing before he finally decided to sit down at Tobias' computer. He had no idea what he was going to say, or what the boy would think of him when he said it, but he knew that he had to tell someone, if for no reason than to get the truth out in case he...

Tobias? Kiddo? Are you there?

 - .

Tobias jumped when one of his computers chimed, whacking the back of his head on the underside of his bed. Really, why couldn't the damned thing at least play a song? From that particular tone, he knew it was Scott and not Salem this time (so the appropriate song would have been It's Raining Men). He seemed to be really hitting it off with Salem at least over the internet. But then... The internet was easier to make friends on, wasn't it?

Carefully, he wiggled out from under his bed and pushed himself up off the ground. He took his time getting to the computer because really, he hadn't been doing anything important on them. Just chattering. Settling in the chair in front of Scott's terminal, he blinked at the rather simple message.

Yes, why wouldn't I be? It's not like I got abducted. Oh wait, we did. You're interrupting my search for porn!

 - ..

Scott just kind of shook his head. He knew his question had been kind of silly, but what else do you say when you messaged someone out of the blue?

Porn can wait. This is important. I need to get some things off my chest, and, well, you're the best person I can think of to tell it to. I want to do it while I know there's still someone there to listen.

 - .

Tobias had been kind of afraid of this... The words 'Casey' and 'Pills' often echoed in his mind though he had no idea what they meant. He shoved his hands through his hair and didn't answer for a long moment. Or it felt like a long moment. Alright... Go ahead.

 - ..

Scott took a deep breath, which brought on another coughing attack. His fingers were shaking as he began to type. He'd hoped it would be easier to type this than actually say it, but it was turning out not to be the case.

Well, I told you I used to be a bodyguard, right? My last client was a young singer named Casey Burke. You probably heard of her at some point, she was getting pretty big for a while there. Then a couple of years ago, she committed suicide. I'm sure you saw that on the news, right?

 - .

He vaguely remembered something about it but Tobias wasn't precisely sure what to tell Scott. He tapped his fingers on his keyboard lightly just so they made the clacky-clack sound without typing for a moment. It was sort of comforting. Does this he hit enter before he meant to but... At the same time it worked as a dramatic pause. have to do with the pills you were talking about? When you were all freezing cold? I don't know if you remember...

 - ..

Scott looked a the computer a bit confused when the first part of Tobias' message came through. The second part, however, cleared things up. He slowly, carefully typed his response, not entirely sure what to say. Finally, he looked at the screen, making sure it said what he wanted to.

I remember bits and pieces, but not all of it. It sounds like I was trying to tell you then what I'm about to tell you now.

I killed Casey Burke.

His face was buried in his hands now. He'd started down this road, and there was no turning back. But he couldn't bring himself to hit enter yet. What would Tobias think? He and the young man had grown close in such a short time, despite the scientists' best efforts to keep them apart. Would this be the final wedge that came between them for good?

Steeling himself, and praying he'd done the right thing by confiding in Tobias, his shaking hands finally sent the message.

 - .

A coldness seeped into his belly and he really didn't know what he was supposed to think. Either this was an extremely unfunny prank or... No, Tobias knew instinctively that Scott was telling him the truth. Why him though?! It wasn't like they were confidants or something. They'd just met a couple of times, been friendly. Nothing else! Maybe that was why.

He was feeling sick now. Christ. And only two words came to mind. Two very important words that formed two very important questions: How? Why?

 - ..

It had taken Tobias a while to respond and Scott was getting worried. He had a feeling this might happen, that the confession might totally turn him away. When the message finally returned, he had to take a couple of deep breaths before responding.

I cared for Casey a lot. Too much, I guess. But she was becoming a wreck. TMZ, Enquirer, Smoking Gun, everyone was starting to post horrible things about her- late night partying, drunk driving, rumors of drug use when the only thing she ever took was sleeping pills. But the stress of stardom was becoming too much for her. I couldn't bear to see her torn apart like so many others had been.

So one night, I brought her home and she was wasted, as usual. She'd fought with the paparazzi, even threatening to punch one who got too close. She would have, too, if I hadn't rushed her to the limosine. I got her home and she was asking for her Ambien. So I gave her some. And I gave her some more. And some more.

I couldn't bear to see her destroy herself like a lot of pop stars do. She deserved to be remembered as the beautiful person she was, not the tabloid fodder she was becoming.

He stopped, finally, wiping away the tears that had formed while he was typing. He'd never told anyone this. As far as the media was concerned, she had died of an accidental overdose, and he was content to let everyone think that. But he had needed to tell someone.

If you hate me now, I understand.

 - .

The first words that were typed on his computer were 'How could you be so fucking stupid' but he quickly deleted those, trying to think of something more diplomatic. He didn't want to drive Scott into further guilt and then suicide after all... Although perhaps only for purely selfish reasons.

It took him maybe ten minutes to actually figure out what to say. And he couldn't bring himself to tell Scott whether he hated the man or not. Even he didn't know. He was just so completely fucking stunned. Why did you jump straight to death? There were so many other options you could have taken. I thought... you were smarter than that. Apparently he couldn't get past his initial thoughts.

I want to hate you, he finally said, But I can't help but think I understand how you feel. It's not... exactly the same. How can it be? But it makes me unable to hate you.

 - ..

Scott was still pulling himself together when the computer chirped again. Some of the words hurt him, but the fact that Tobias had actually responded and said that he sort of understood gave him hope for himself.

I wish I could give you a reason. But at the time, it seemed like the only way to end it. Rehab wasn't an option. She refused to go, even after an intervention. Getting arrested didn't stop it, even though we managed to hush it up.

All I saw was this sweet, wonderful person turning into something ugly and horrible right before my eyes. I loved that girl. Not like "lust" love, but like family, like a child. I'd been very lucky that I met her early in her career, when she was still sweet and innocent, and seeing her wreck herself was just more than I could bear.

I'm not asking for your forgiveness. Or anyone's. What I did was unforgivable. But in case I never got the chance again, I had to at least tell someone. I thought it would give me peace.

But it hasn't. I'm sorry.