i don't think any of us will ever be anyplace else

Who: Everett and Janie
Where: Janie's house
When: Evening

What a day. The thought had been a constant for Everett, ever since the first news of the disappearances. The tally had left him somber and thoughtful even before the package Bethany had received for him, and that? Well, it hadn't helped any. He'd stared at the simple brown leather belt for a long while in the silence of his house, trying to sort out the initial feelings it brought and coming up empty. It was just too much, the cherry on a fucked-up sundae, the crowning piece of the whole day. He had a deep ache in his bones from trekking through the rain all day, a deeper disquiet brewing in his mind as time passed. And Ev knew it was dangerous to just repress it; that was how he lost control, how people got hurt.

But right now he had no other choice. The town needed someone to seize the reins and establish some direction, and thusfar it had really just been him and Janie. And now? Well, now Ev knew that Janie needed help as much as anyone else did. You're no different, Dupree, he told himself as he stood in her kitchen, stirring the contents of a pot as they simmered on a low heat. Once he'd gotten control of his dark thoughts? He'd packed his shotgun up again, as well as a dozen cans of veggies and a partial bottle of scotch, then headed to Janie's. Ev wasn't much of a cook, but he still remembered the recipes his mother had taught him decades earlier; simple stews that made do with whatever was handy, corn bread, and a few potatoes he'd tucked in the oven to bake. "Dinner's just about ready," he called out from the kitchen as he tasted the tip of the spoon he was mixing stew with, "You want a drink with? Or after?"

Janie wandered into the room and looked at Everett, not answering immediately. "Now would be good, I think." she said. Her tone was less animated than she'd been since they got to town, where she'd had an upswing, a burst of energy even if it was fueled by 'whee, we're all gonna die! let's get ready!'. She hadn't thought she'd be so hard hit by Gavin's absence...but she was. He was just...a missing piece, and she didn't like it.

Ev chuckled dryly, nodding and moving to her cabinets. He recognized the need, on days like this, to get good and drunk. Hell, it was something he aimed for most every day. Flipping open cabinet doors, he finally seized a couple of glasses and set them on the counter, uncapping his scotch and pouring them each a generous glass. "Be gentle with my cooking, now," Ev cautioned as he sauntered over, handing her a glass, "I'm an ex-Marine who's been a bachelor for thirty-plus years, I eat anything."

"Well, after crazed-diet test at the house, I'm pretty sure I can too." Janie said, sitting down at the small table. She propped her cheek on her hand, eyes on the glasses--or they appeared to be. Who knew what she was seeing, her gaze was distant. "So what are we going to do when everyone starts freaking out entirely?" she asked.

"I wish I knew," Ev told her honestly, dropping open the oven door to eye the contents. He could tell just by looking that the cornbread wasn't right; it was too dark, split along the top like it was too dry, but it'd at least work with the stew. "Eventually, someone's going to have to put their foot down and just say 'this is what the fuck we're going to do'," he went on, tugging down one sleeve over his hand to grab the pan and quickly pop it up onto the stovetop. "I might be able to glower enough to do it? But I don't think I have the right." Leaving that thought out there, Ev darted back in to grab both potatoes, tossing them lightly in his grip and dropping them on the counter, then searching out bowls. Sure, he was worried about that far-off look on Janie's face, but once she had a meal in front of her and he could sit with her? He could do something about it.

"None of us have the right." Janie said, eyes not tracking any movement, her eyes still distant as was her voice, even more so than she had been a few moments ago. "But someone has to do it anyways. Otherwise people are going to...drift. And hide in their houses, and waste away in there. People need to know someone's doing something. They need to know someone's there, someone's paying attention, someone's going to take care of it. That's what it's about."

Silent for a long moment as he plated and bowled their food, Everett eventually brought Janie's meal over and set it in front of her, dropping into a seat across the way. "I suppose so," he agreed with a nod, propping his elbows on the table and studying her. She looked... older than she should. But then, Ev thought anyone from the experiments might by now. We've had years of life stolen, all of us, he mused as he cracked a piece of corn bread in half. "I'd bet there'll be a day where people regret me being one of the ones to take charge, but if it needs to be done? Hell, I suppose I might as well." He set the food aside without a bite, going for his drink first and narrowing his eyes thoughtfully on Janie as he took a drink.

"You never know what people will regret." Janie said cryptically, before she finally broke her thousand yard stare, and looked down to her plate, starting to grab a fork so she could eat. "At least there'd be something to regret, instead of a bunch of scared people, waiting in their houses for someone else to be strong enough to do this shit." she said, and slightly more life was leaking back into her tone. Not a lot, but some. "Even if it's just to do things to put off the idea that everything's futile. Which, it is."

He wanted to counter that claim, to bring up his plan again; the tracking and deaths of the people who'd done this to them all. But it was too grim, too dark for how he thought janie might be feeling. And it was a floodgate as well; a doorway to dark thoughts Ev was fighting against tonight. It all came back to the package, to that simple reminder of how the dark thoughts so many people had could become a reality for Everett if he just let go of his control. "Yeah," he rumbled, dunking his cornbread into the stew, "And even if it's futile, no reason to just give up. We're all going to die someday, right? That's what you always say? So why not try to do it somewhere that isn't here?"

Janie made a point to eat something, even if she wasn't tasting much of it. But she ate it anyhow. "That's what I always say." Janie agreed. "And I don't know. You know...Gavin and I had the conversation a long time ago. Before the house burned." she said, taking a drink of the scotch Ev had poured. "I don't think any of us will ever be anyplace else. Even if we get released back into the world--we'll always be here. This town. The mansion." She focused her eyes on Everett. "You were a soldier, right? Isn't there some part of you that never left the war?"

That question hit deep, freezing his hand before it ever brought food to Ev's lips. He let the bread sit in the stew, reaching for his scotch and taking a heavy drink as his thoughts piled on top of each other. We'll always be here. Where would he be? The mansion? The holding cell where he'd spent months? Eris' bedroom, forever watching her lips turn blue? Or maybe even earlier, forever trudging through the jungle. Humping the boonies. Valley Forge, do you copy? "Yeah," he answered at last, "There's some part of me that... got left there. Or some part of it that I took back with me. Maybe both. Maybe we swapped." He swirled his glass slowly, reaching for the bottle to add a splash more scotch, then offered it over to Janie.

She took it, and added more to her glass, before she set the bottle down and drank more. "So...what we're doing? It's prolonging the illusion that there's hope." she said. "It's staving the suicide rate off just a little. It's giving people a reason to think that maybe it'll all be okay--even if it's never going to be." she said. She knocked back at least half of her drink. "I don't know how much longer I'm going to be awake, Everett." she told him.

"Awake?" Ev echoed in confusion over the edge of his own glass, puzzled by that. Had she been drinking before he got here? Ev took a slow drink, and then the realization hit him. Back in the mansion, he'd seen the journals. He remembered Gavin caring for Janie at least once before when she'd gone all but catatonic. "Janie..." he murmured with a deep frown, shaking his head, "Don't. Please. I... I need you here. I can't do this alone. My head's just fucked with bad wiring, and if you tune out? Things are gonna get bad."

"I'm sorry." she said. "I'll try to stay awake as long as I can, but when it hits, I can't...I can't help it. It just happens. I can't even bring myself to tell anyone most of the time. So...if you don't hear from me for a few days, I'm probably here starving to death and catatonic. I'll try though. I promise I'll try." She never had control over those things. it wasn't like it was something she wanted to do, it wasn't voluntary.

He had to get in touch with Dave, to prepare for an extended hospital stay in the event that this did happen. But Everett didn't want to, because it meant admitting that soon he'd have to tackle things in town without Janie's weird mix of cynicism and enthusiasm. And of course there were plenty of others in town, hopefully one of them would step up to take some responsibility. "Thanks," Ev told her with a grudging smile, pushing his plate aside and reaching over to pat her hand across the table. "I know... things are hard. What happened today and all. But if you feel it happen? you... dropping out? Just remember to come back out of it, okay? I'll be hanging around when you do."

She gave him a light hint of a smile. "Thanks." she said. "I...I'm aware of what goes on around me in some fashion." she said. "I remember things people say to me, even if I don't react at the time. Gavin used to read to me...which granted, gave me really fucked up dreams, but that's not the point."

"Well, I don't think I have much of a reading voice, but I'll visit. Make sure you're comfortable," Ev promised, nodding to her. He'd need to act fast to prepare for this; get people in place, delegate some responsibilities, get in touch with Kales and Dave and Lina. Everyone would need to be ready if they suddenly had one less person who was ready to rally people together. "You miss him, huh?" he asked in a softer rumble, sympathy in his eyes. He could relate; he still thought about Rain, wondered where she was now, if Diata had gotten home unscathed.

She nodded. "Yeah. I didn't think that it would bother me...but it does." she said. "I don't know where he is." she said. As if that would help, even if he wasn't there. Then she paused. "He loved me, you know. He told me, after the house burned." There was a light flicker of a frown over her features and she drained her glass.

Ev could guess at where Gavin might be now, but he didn't want to say as much. Really, he wanted to be wrong, even if he'd butted heads with Gavin in the past. "Sometimes I wonder..." he trailed off, taking a drink and pouring them both another splash, "... if that was part of the plan. People like you, me, Kales. None of us really buy into the love angle, or did back when things started. Maybe they wanted to show us it was possible, then remind us how it can be taken away." He smiled sadly, thinking on how Rain would curl up in his lap and leech body heat, how she'd proposed to him. "I miss people too," Ev confessed with a scowl, "I thought I'd gotten used to being lonely a long time ago. Now I figure I'd just forgotten how it felt."

"I don't know...he loved me. I don't know if I loved him back. I cared about him." Janie said. "I don't know if I'm actually capable of love, not the kind that people read about or anything like that. I just know he's gone, and I don't like it." she said. "But maybe you're right. Maybe the just waited til now to show me it would hurt."

"I didn't think I'd give a damn about anyone again when I signed up," Ev explained, shrugging a little. "Friends, sure. But getting close to someone? I never saw it coming." Maybe she was straight on the level, or maybe she just couldn't fully admit it. Ev didn't care. It was hurting, and he got that much at least. "If they waited? It just confirms what we already know. They're still watching. All of this... it's just to see how we twist under the knife, how much each of us can take before we give up. So for now, we need to give them a reason to keep watching. If I can find who did this to all of us? And you'd best bet your weird little ass I'm going to. We can find Gavin, too."

That actually got the ghost of a laugh from her. "Okay, Ev." she said. "Count me in on it, if you do. I'd rather at least look them over. I'm sure they're just like all the other psychos in the world. They look like everyone else."

Well, didn't that hit a little close to home? Ev had a body count, and he apparently looked normal enough that the people here were willing to listen to him. "They usually do," he agreed, scooping up a spoonful of stew and wolfing it down to delay his own thoughts. "I don't think this is psychosis though, it's pure detachment. We're just files, statistics, daily reports. And if I have my way, we're gonna close the gap between what they think and what we are. So you make sure to hang around. We're all owed some closure, even if it'll never fix what's happened here." And it wouldn't, Janie was absolutely right in that regard. There was no coming back from this.

"No...no fixing things, but there can be levels of satisfaction." Janie said absently, eating a little more, since she remembered she had food and all. "I think it's about time there. Or, we can just strive for it, if nothing else. There's the working theory that when december comes, we'll be done because that's when our year was meant to be up." she added, the thought having occurred to her before, even if she didn't remember if she'd shared it. "Then we all get dropped back wherever we were. Supposedly with bank accounts. Have you tried ordering anything? I wonder if we can still order things online..."

"What would I have to order?" Ev asked, smirking a little as Janie's focus shifted slightly. He was prone to brooding and glowering, but he wouldn't refuse a chance to turn his thoughts elsewhere. "I'm a man of pretty simple tastes, all told. Aside from a good cigar or glass of scotch, which you can't exactly pull off the internet." He didn't want to answer her other point, though. What would happen when December was here? In Ev's mind, some of them might go home, but that wasn't likely. He'd left the experiment, probably violating his 'contract'. "If that happens? If we get sent back? Expect me to be in touch, I'll want help for following all of this back to the roots." Or I'll be writing from prison.

"Doesn't matter. Just try and order something. I will too." Janie said. "Just to see." She knew sometimes when people made requests of the scientists in the house, they got it. Not all the time, but sometimes. So... "I'm from Nina, Wisconsin." she said. "So...if you're looking for me, find me there." Since hell, the least she could do was make it easier on the guy. "Last name's Bradberry."

"Dupree," he told her in kind, smiling faintly. She probably knew by now, but at least she'd be able to keep track this way. "Yeah, I'll see if I can't get a gross of cigars, I'm down to reburns here. Hell, we'll at least be a little more comfortable if it all works out." How did a nihilist like Janie manage to improve his mood with little curiosities like that suggestion? Ev couldn't figure it out, but it worked. "Wisconsin, huh? There was a time I'd say that was a damn far shout from home, but now that we're hanging around in Russia? Well, I don't know how much farther we can get."

"I'll keep that in mind. And yeah, Wisconsin. Where's home for you? And really...I'm not sure we could be farther. Beyond maybe...the australian outback or something, but I don't think we'd be getting seasons in that case. I like seasons." She was in fact, from a place that had all four and everything. "You order cigars...I'll order..." she paused, thinking about it. "maybe books, or movies or something."

"I'm thinking I'll be covered for books," Ev told her, "There was a lady in town, Diata? She's gone too, but she had a little book shop." There was a touch of depression over that in his eyes, but Ev wasn't going to linger on it. "Home? Atlanta, down Georgia way. Born and bred," he told her, rallying a smile and tipping another drink into his glass. "Mild winters, hot summers, some of the best damn cooking in the world. And crackheads, gang-bangers, murderers, all that... but you need that if you're a cop. Lord knows I miss it all, even the crackheads."

"You miss crack heads?" she asked. Then paused. "Is it because at least they make some semblence of sense, along with all the other criminal types, and this situation, the house, everything else, makes absolutely none?" That would make sense to her, anyhow. the devil you knew and all that.

"It's exactly that," he confirmed, nodding smartly. "City life is hell, don't get me wrong. Running a station house? Well, you need to be a masochist for that job. But it's predictable on some level, it's a beast you can start to understand. If there's an upswing in junkies getting rough? Narcotics is doing their job, cutting off the supply. A rash of squatters and petty thefts? Cuban illegals coming up from Florida. Everything there had a root, and it was treatable. Here it's just a roulette wheel of psychological warfare. Much more like 'Nam in that sense." Of course the differences outweighed the similarities, but this was a war zone.

Janie listened to him as he spoke, and propped her cheek on her hand. "There was a lot of psychological warfare going on there?" she asked. She'd thought much more the jungle and bullets kind of warfare, but then again, her experience was all just history lessons and movies.

Ev gave a grim nod, figuring she was probably just too young to really know what had gone on there. "Absolutely. We went in figuring we could win with sheer might, see. Once we got there, U.S. soldiers realized there were N.V.A. sympathizers in every city and town. Troops found steady supplies of heroin and hookers, and when they didn't have them? Hell, we were all trudging through the jungle, watching for tripwires, tunnels, snipers, anything. The N.V.A. were invisible, they were the menace in the jungle, and just the thought of them made a lot of good men crack. I never saw it, but there were confirmed cases of people fragging their own officers, lighting up little farming villages, killing their prostitutes when they were done." She never seemed to have a problem with bleak scenarios, so Ev saw no reason to sugarcoat anything. "They turned us on each other and made us doubt ourselves. Not too hard to see the parallels."

She nodded, taking all of that in. "You know..." she said thoughtfully. "I was always surprised there wasn't more dissention in the ranks." she said. "In the house, all of that. I'm surprised there wasn't flat out more people who wanted to kill one another. Or sell each other out. Especially because the opposite didn't really happen either. It wasn't like we all decided we were in it together, and had big group hugs and solidarity. I kind of would have expected one or the other, but instead...who knows. Things just went weird, I guess."

"The problem back there, if you ask me, is that people never stopped thinking that their problems would be solved for them," Ev mused with a sip of scotch. "At first, the scientists took care of us, right? And as they stopped, they put us in positions. Dave, me, Kaori, you remember it all. So now people were looking to us to handle everything. And we tried? I failed, I'll say it freely, I had shit I couldn't get past. But if it was me being fucked with and the people in charge weren't holding up their end, I'd do something."

"I don't know." Janie said, tone mostly thoughtful. "I suppose I looked at everything, and just thought...people--they're mostly just sheep. I agree that they never quit thinking that someone else was going to take care of it, no matter what it was. But I think part of it was also that they never learned to deal on their own in the first place. And weren't about to start. Or, they got so broken so fast that they couldn't manage to really wake the fuck up afterwards."

Ev looked thoughtful over that, swirling his glass slowly and nodding, then coughing quietly. "Okay, I'm gonna be frank here, since I doubt you'll be offended. Most people? Yeah, they're sheep. Even the ones who try to do more don't always take to it well; you should see the suicide rate for police. And the others? Well, they're used to living in a society where people watch out for them, they get it instilled in their heads. So when you drop them into chaos? They get eaten by the fucking sharks." Like today with Svetlana; she'd probably been sane and normal once, but now? Well, she'd been living in a sty and carrying a knife. She'd tried to cut Shane's eyes out.

"I imagine it's high, then." Janie said about the suicide rate of police. And she supposed she could understand that. They by job description made sure they were viewing the worst parts of society. That wasn't fun. She knew, she generally saw humanity like that in the first place. "In our current situation, even if people try, it's nod going to really do anything. But then, I already said that." What witht he futility and all.

"There's always a chance for a survival rate," Ev argued with a shrug of his shoulders. "I'm not saying we have more than a snowball's chance in hell? But we do at least have that chance. As far as lethality goes, I've seen worse. I think it just depends on why you're trying to last." He washed down more scotch, pushing his food aside, appetite gone. "If it's to get back to the life you left? Well, good luck. You already said as much; we're not ever gonna be fully back. Me? I'm running on a vendetta. Feels like it might last."

She nodded. She didn't really have anything to add on her own there though. She'd always been just...waiting it out, more or less. Waiting for the end, since it was on it's way anyhow. All that differed in her life was how that waiting was done. How it played out, how it kept her mind occupied. This, though, was the most lasting, most mentally scarring method. Which she supposed at least meant it left a mark, as opposed to other things.

It definitely had left a mark for both of them. For Everett, it had become a different life entirely, or maybe a return a much starker world he'd seen in his youth. Kill or be killed. "Things are getting hectic in town, though. We might start seeing who makes the cut sooner than I'd thought," he commented, wondering what needed to really be done about Svetlana. Like the firearms, he'd probably put it to the town's consideration. The less decisions Ev directly made, the freer he was to do what he thought needed doing.

"Guess we will." Janie agreed. "We'll see just how far down things spiral with the whole town, and all new, exciting psychosises mixing together. It'll be great." she decided. She didn't sound like she thought so, though. She sounded much like she had with everything else tonight, that it was just the way it was going to happen. "But at least I think it'll happen fairly slowly, at least if things stay how they are now."

"Well, I guess I'll tell you before I share the news," Ev said somberly, " 'Now' is me and a few others dealing with a slip of a girl who was swinging a knife like something out of a slasher flick, so I somehow doubt it'll be slow. Unless she's an isolated case, and even if she is? I doubt anyone's gonna like hearing I had to get physical." Ev didn't like it either, though it was more because it had been satisfying on some base, primal level.

"What are you going to do with her?" Janie asked. "And has she hurt anyone?" Since really, that was pertinent information. And hey, she was reminded of when things got bad at the house, and there was always the logical question of if someone was locked up, how did people go about doing that?

"Still trying to figure out if she hurt anyone. She definitely tried with this kid, Shane. Then he pulled the trigger and I'm guessing he hit a dead shell. So I'm thinking it was damn good I was there." He sighed, shaking his head. "I'm not sure what to do with her, so I'm gonna put it to a vote tomorrow. Anyone who votes to lock her up also volunteers to take a shift keeping watch. I figure it sounds fair if people really want their peace of mind. The safest society is the one that polices itself, as the saying goes."

"Hm." Janie said, thinking it over. "I suppose something has to be done if she's attacking people." she said. "And I'm guessing a reasonable 'hey, how about you not do that' won't suffice. A vote is alright, though. Not sure it'll solve anything, but I don't think we have the means for that, either." Because hey--they didn't.

"What we need is someone to analyze her, get a good idea of how damaged the girl is. Makes me wish Kaori was around," Ev admitted a little grudgingly, running a hand back across the smooth done of his head. "I don't have much love for shrinks, y'know. When you wear a badge, you have a mandatory meeting with one every six months or so. Or a whole hell of a lot more if you're working a nasty case or end up using your sidearm. Too often, the department docs would be pushing, looking for a problem, digging for any issues you might have. But right now? Shit, we need that."

"It's not necessarily that I mind shrinks." Janie said. "I just know they can't help me." she shrugged one shoulder. "You have to want to be helped, and think there's something wrong. I dont' really think there is with me. I just have a different point of view than most everyone else. But yeah..this case...she'd probably be nice to have around."

You have to want to be helped. Ev had to wonder if maybe that was the root of his warped headspace, if it was an answer for why the department shrink hadn't done him any good. Confessing Eris' death to Kaori had, but it hadn't stopped the violent impulses. He'd never considered that maybe he was just like Janie, and he didn't want the help. Even if he could fully admit to having something wrong, Ev wasn't sure he wanted to change it. "Mm," he agreed wordlessly, "I think I'd be dead by now if I wasn't the way I am. Still, having a shrink wouldn't mean we'd have to go see her, right? Just that we could send the apeshit people her way."

"Right." Janie said. "I mean, I always got the merit of having one in the house. Having one in town after they ganked all the other ones and shit would be...helpful. At least, I think so." Then she gave a half smile that didn't reach her eyes. "If nothing else, if Kaori did come back, if she's not dead in a shallow grave somewhere, at least we know her. And she was always big in house-meeting stuff."

There was no stopping the deepening of the lines in Everett's brow, or the faint scowl around his mouth. He didn't want to hear that, or to even think it. If Kaori was dead? Rain was. Diata was. And in some twisted show of logic that there was no God whatsoever, Eris was still alive. Ev wanted to snap at Janie, to tell her to kill those thoughts, but he bit his tongue. She had to have the same fears where Gavin was concerned, and besides, it was the scotch making him twitch like that. Get it under control. "We'll cross our fingers, then. I don't think I'd trust anyone else who showed up and wanted to analyze me."

Janie nodded. "Yeah." she agreed. Kaori had tried to help her, but they'd had the discussion about the ability to help and the desire to be. So, that had been the end of that. Because even if you weren't just talking about shrinks--no one could help someone who didn't want to be helped. All it did was stave off the inevitable, for a short while. It was like trying to stop a non-cry for help suicide. They were just going to try again, and with less interruptable circumstances.

"On that... cheery note," Ev drawled with a smirk, "I have an offer to make. I might head out? But if you're thinking you'd like company, I'm glad to sleep on your sofa tonight. Did it when the power was out for someone else, no worries over me being a dirty old man or anything." His smirk turned sympathetic as Ev reached out to pat Janie's hand. "We're both a little shook up, after all. Never hurts to keep an eye on each other." Plus, if she 'went away' tonight? tomorrow? Ev needed to be there, just to ensure she'd get somewhere she could be helped immediately.

"If you want to, you can." Janie said. "But I'm going to have to get used to the place being empty sometime." Janie...she was a strangely practical girl at times, in her detached little way. Even if right now she wished she was more detached than she actually was.

Everett almost suggested she share a house with someone else, himself even. But he reminded himself through the fuzz of alcohol that she'd been doing that, that her problem stemmed from the absence of that. Trying to fill it so soon would be an exercise in futility. "Yeah, I think I'll bunk here," he decided with a nod. "Selfish of me, but I hate the view from my place. Any chance I have to lay down somewhere else is a chance I'll take."

"Okay. Well...make yourself at home then." Janie invited. "Think I might go lay down myself." Because she was feeling like she just wanted to sleep. Sleep, and sleep, and hopefully she didn't check out sometime there because according to Everett, she was still needed. But...she didn't have control over that. She didn't have a say. It was luck of the draw, with her. Always had been, always would be.