Fighting for Normal

Who: Jeremy and Cheryl
What: A small visit
When: Shortly after noon

It was a bit cold out and Jeremy huddled in his coat and quickened his pace as he headed to Cheryl's house. He knocked and as soon as the door opened, held up a bag of goods. "If you have coffee, I have bagels," he told her with a smile. It was another brave attempt at being social and maybe a little normal too.

"Hey!" Cheryl brightened considerably when she saw who was at the door. Really, she knew it was either Jeremy or Drew, but it seemed like a good sign that Jeremy wasn't hiding away at home. That he was making an effort to get out. Even if it was a few doors down. "Luckily for me, I do have coffee, so get those bagels in here," Cheryl added with a small smile, stepping back to let Jeremy inside. "How are you?"

"I'm... okay," Jeremy said with a little wonder to that statement, like he was surprised to say it. He stepped inside and looked around, not overly surprised to see the place looked almost identical to his own. Which was a little creepy but he didn't dwell on that thought. "How are you holding up?" He asked instead. She looked like she was okay but looks could be so deceiving.

"Same." She led him to the kitchen to pour him some coffee. "I saw Drew for a bit yesterday. I had breakfast at the diner this morning and met Hannah." Cheryl let that hang there while she went for some coffee mugs in the cupboard. Meeting people from Experiment A was a bit nerve wracking, but it went better than Cheryl thought it would. Probably because Hannah hadn't known Cheryl was an intern for the experiment - briefly.

Jeremy smiled at that, relieved to hear she wasn't having another breakdown, at least by the looks of it. "Yeah? How did that go? I met a few of the Experiment A people already, and lived to tell, which is obviously-, uhm... Obvious." He tried one of the drawers and found that yes, it had some platters, just like the same drawer in his own kitchen. So that was still a little creepy but at least it was handy. A knife was easily found as well and he cut up the bagels, not one to make her do all the work.

"It went okay. She didn't know I was an intern or anything, but we talked for a few minutes and surprisingly she wasn't a bitch." She poured Jeremy some coffee, pleased to see a smile on his face. It was a smile that used to get her heart thumping stupidly in her chest. She would be lying if she said it still didn't affect her a little bit. "I asked Drew over for dinner soon... something normal. Did you want to come too? He mentioned bringing someone named Rin with him."

"Hannah? Not a bitch?" Jeremy asked and made no attempt at hiding the surprise at that. "Must have gone through some heavy trauma at the house for that to happen." He instantly felt bad, it wasn't something to make fun of and the regret showed in his expression as his smile turned almost apologetic. "Rin... Don't know her, unless it's that girl from the journals. It sounds good, I could help you, don't want you to be-," he twirled his finger as he searched for the right word but then just trailed off instead. "Something normal definitely sounds good, could do with that. Normal." He finished buttering the bagels and carried them over to the kitchen table, shooting her a warm smile. "This is a bit normal. Bagels, coffee..."

Cheryl arched an eyebrow at him, her expression softening. She carried their coffee to the table and sat down with him. Yes, this was normal. It was a nice pretense, and she was going to cling to it. "I don't know her either, at least, I don't recall if I do." She slid Jeremy's coffee to him and picked up a bagel for herself. "You want to help me cook?" Cheryl asked with a soft smile. "Because I definitely won't say no if you're offering."

"Yeah," Jeremy replied with a curious smile, not realizing he hadn't quite said it out loud. "Helping you cook. If you want, don't want to step on your toes." He sipped his coffee and let the warmth and taste take over. She made damn good coffee.

"No! I'd really like it if you helped," Cheryl assured him. He definitely wouldn't be stepping on her toes, and in all honesty, she probably wouldn't mind it if he did. "I was starting to panic, thinking maybe I had forgotten how to cook, so any extra help would be really appreciated." Cheryl sipped her coffee again, feeling more comfortable and relaxed now. "So, I wanted to ask you... this job thing. Have you given any thought to it?"

"Yeah," Jeremy said and smiled almost shyly. "I got a job at the library, went there this morning and talked to one of the volunteers. I figured, it's across the street, quiet place. Can't be too bad." Of course if he was true to himself, or at least his old self, he'd go get a job in the community center, but the thought of that at this point in his life was too overwhelming.

"How about you?" He asked her, though the tone in which she'd asked suggested the idea didn't appeal to her all that much.

"Did you?" She lifted both eyebrows in surprise, but it was pleasant surprise because Jeremy was the last person she thought would go out and get a job. Only because she knew how twitchy he was lately about being in public. "The library suits you, I think. It'll be quiet. And you work right across the street. which is pretty convenient." She laughed a touch and settled back in her chair. "I haven't looked into it yet. I don't know what to do, or what I would be good at. Maybe I'll go work at the bowling alley." She smirked and took another sip of coffee. "That might be fun."

"I might go bowling if you do," Jeremy replied and grinned. "Now, why am I picturing you in rollerskates with pigtails? This town is..." He shook his head and laughed quietly. "We should obviously change our names to Bobby, Peggy and Jimmy and go take a ride in my awesome automobile. When is it?" He asked suddenly after his little rant, not thinking to explain what he was asking about.

"I think I'd look cute in a bowling shirt," Cheryl agreed with a laugh. "Though rollerskates I might be horrifically clumsy on. I just want something simple." Really, she just wanted to go home. She didn't want to work anywhere. "I'll let you bowl for free if you dismiss any late charges I might accumulate at the library." She sipped her coffee again before lifting an eyebrow at his sudden question. "When is what?"

"Oh that sounds fair," Jeremy chuckled and nodded in agreement. He paused for a moment, holding his cup up as if to drink from it but waiting while he thought about it. "When's... Oh, dinner." He smiled and finally took that sip. "I'd rather go bowling with you than bowl alone or just me and Drew. But you'd be too sick of the place to go there on your nights off, eh?"

"Oh! Dinner. I don't know, I didn't pick an actual date yet. But I'll check with Drew and everything and let you know. Hopefully soon? Probably when everyone can be here rather than working." She smiled and nudged his foot under the table with her own. "But I would definitely go bowling with you if you wanted to. I wouldn't be sick of it if I were people I enjoyed being around. We can make it a weekly thing if you want. Give us something fun to look forward to."

"Sounds good," Jeremy said and ate some more of his bagel. This was lunch after all, after a very busy morning. "I might start running again," he told her a bit cheerfully. "This guy from Experiment C, we talked a lot." He nodded and figured she figured out that meant he was going running with him. That Owen had offered, after all, his attention was again on his bagel now.

She stared at him for a moment, trying to piece together if either of those things connected with each other. Jeremy seemed to throw things out there with the assumption that Cheryl could read his mind. "That's good... exercise would be nice after...everything." Like being locked away for so long in one room. "What's his name? Is he running with you?" Which she assumed is what he meant, but she wasn't entirely sure.

"Yeah, he offered," Jeremy replied. "I mean, asked if I wanted to run with him. He's great. Owen, that's his name. I saw him on the monitor a few times." It felt too personal to go on so he turned the conversation to Cheryl again. "How about you? You gonna start running or... doing something like it?" Which made him realize this town needed a gym, unless there already was one? He'd have to check the directory.

The brief mention of monitors made Cheryl go cold inside, but she pushed past it to keep up with the conversation. She chewed on her bagel, thinking it was good that Jeremy was reaching out and making... friends? Or that people were reaching out to him. At the question, her chewing slowed and her eyes widened briefly before she set her bagel back down on the plate and winced. "Why? Do you think... I need it? Exercise?" She hadn't eaten much at the hospital, but Cheryl had always had curves. Had they gotten worse or something? She suddenly felt self conscious and promptly lost her appetite. "I mean, maybe... I should, I guess?"

"No!" Jeremy exclaimed and really, had his social skills gotten that bad that he'd tell a girl to go work out? Mental headdesk right there and he shook his head wildly. "No you look great, wow no... I'm sorry that didn't come out, I didn't mean it like that." He needed not to project his own feelings onto others, really needed to learn not to do that. To him exercising meant things were normal, healthy and easy. If he could go out running again it meant he was getting closer to being himself. For her, maybe not so much? "I just thought, now that you're free to do whatever, just going out there, doing things." He smiled defeatedly. "You don't need it, believe me."

Cheryl watched as he sought to explain the comment and relaxed a bit. She tried not to place her hands around her stomach at all. "Okay, sorry. I know you probably didn't mean it like that... I just didn't get a lot of exercise where I was and I thought maybe..." Lord, the last thing she needed to worry about was her weight right now. "I think I'll work on getting out there. I don't mind working out... maybe if the gym has a pool, I can swim." She smiled and reached over to touch his hand. "If there's any morning Owen can't run with you, come get me and I'll get my lazy ass out of bed to go with you."

"I promise you, you look great," Jeremy said since he felt it needed to be stressed. The last thing he wanted was for Cheryl to go starve herself on top of everything else, doing away with her curves and becoming some sort of a stick figure shadow of herself. "And yeah, we could even just go for walks, if you want to just... Go to the book store or the bar or something." Not that he was overly keen on going to a place that sold alcohol, that stuff tended to make people more aggressive.

"Thanks." And because it was coming from Jeremy, Cheryl felt herself blushing. "So basically you want to do normal things," she said, picking up her coffee again. She was no longer hungry for the bagel. "I would be more than happy to do any or all of those things with you. I think it's important to try and adjust to this." Cheryl really wanted to try. It helped that she would be trying with Jeremy there. And Drew. Somehow she felt like maybe they could make it easier on each other. "I'm always available for you, you know that."

"I hope you know that goes both ways," Jeremy replied. "Don't ever make my behavior tell you differently, I feel a bit... Out at sorts sometimes these days. Not quite here." He sighed softly and finished his coffee before it would go cold. "You probably know what I mean though, even if I can't-," he shrugged and continued on. "Normal things, definitely. Like that dinner with Drew and Rin."

"I know what you mean," Cheryl assured him. She felt out of sorts as well. She was just trying hard to get herself back on track. "I think it'll get better for us. Just the fact that we can talk about doing normal things is making me feel a little better. I mean look at us now. Drinking coffee and eating bagels," she pointed out with a small smile. "When's the last time we were able to do something so simple?"

"Let's see," Jeremy muttered, furrowing his brows as he thought about it. "February? Or earlier, nothing really felt normal after that first week..." He smiled though, at the memory of the three of them when they were just getting to know each other. He'd instantly liked both of them and they were the only interns he'd really clicked with.

She nodded. "That sounds a bit right." Her own lips curved into a small smile at those memories. Drew had been instantly likable. And Jeremy... well, it had been the first time she'd had that kind of a crush on a boy since junior high. She had been able to confide in both of them, and not everything felt so different. She reached over to place her hand on his gently. "We'll get back to normal together. We don't have to do it alone."

"Yeah," he replied warmly, turning his hand around to hold hers. "Or as close as we can get. At least okay. Probably won't feel okay until we're out of here though, back to normal society. If we... When we leave, where will you go?" That was one thing he dreaded, the end. Because he wasn't sure the end meant they'd get to leave and if they did, Drew and Cheryl would go... where? Would they lose touch? Not want to think of each other ever again because it brought up memories too painful? He hated that thought almost as much as the thought of dying.

She squeezed his hand, brushing her thumb over his knuckles. "When we leave," she began, because she was sure they would be soon. She prayed they would be anyway. Her mind wouldn't allow any other train of thought. "I'll probably go back home to Cincinnati and see my family. I miss them. I might stay there, I don't really know. What about you? Will you go home?" She hated the thought of losing touch with him and Drew. A part of her was determined not to let that happened. This kind of life experienced tied people together for life, didn't it?

"Head on home," Jeremy said with a small nod. At least they didn't live in different parts of the world. Traveling to America from Canada might not be the shortest route but it wasn't Australia and they wouldn't be separated by oceans. "See my family and-. Just go home..." He wondered if he'd feel safe then, or if this paranoia of tiny cameras and people changing his room while he slept would follow him for the rest of his life.

She figured that would be his answer as well. Cheryl glanced at his hand and sighed before she gave him a small smile. "You're not too far from me, right? We'll visit each other. I'm sure I'll want a change of scenery when I start getting restless. As much as I want to get home and get away from this entire experience, I don't want to lose you. Or Drew either. You two are about the only good I'll take away from all of this." Maybe that was a bit too sentimental, but she couldn't help it. She was becoming of the mind that life was too uncertain to hold things back.

Jeremy gave her hand a small squeeze, smiling in agreement. "Don't forget you're not one of the people who blindly follow orders. That's something to take away with you too." It was something he should own too, but he couldn't quite be sure if he was that person anymore. He steadfastly believed Drew and Cheryl were though.

"Would I do the same thing now?" Cheryl asked, her smile slipping a touch. "Knowing what would happen, I don't know." And she hated that. "I was too weak to handle it the first time, so while I tried, I didn't accomplish anything. I wonder if it would be worth the risk of sacrificing my mental health again this time around." Cheryl paused and then found the courage to look at him in the eyes. "Do you guys... do you think I'm sane now? Have you doubted my emotional stability at all since we were put here?"

Jeremy almost laughed at that question, or would have if it wouldn't make him feel like a total dick. Who was he to question anyone's sanity? Even Ben made sense to him right now so maybe he wasn't the right person to ask. "I haven't," he told her firmly. "I don't know if you're sane but I don't even know if I'm sane, or Drew or anyone. But you seem fine." Which brought up something that he'd thought about quite a bit in the last few months. "What... What happened? Do you remember what triggered it?" He quickly added, "You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to." It was, after all, not the greatest idea to push her into some shitty state of mind when he'd much rather make her feel better.

She tensed, but only for a brief moment. Cheryl delayed answering by taking a sip of her lukewarm coffee. Staring down at the brown liquid, she shook her head. "I don't really remember much about it. Only that I felt like I couldn't take it anymore. Literally. I felt pulled in so many different directions, I felt like maybe nothing was real. Thinking you're going insane when you truly are is a painful thing. I woke up in the hospital and I didn't know how long I had been there. I didn't fully remember you, or Drew, or anything we had done for a long time. I felt like my memories had been altered or something." She took a breath and managed a tiny smile before lifting her gaze to his face. And then she lowered her voice a bit because honestly, a part of her still worried someone was watching, or listening. Lingering paranoia? "I don't think it was the kind of hospital designed to make me better. I don't know if it was another experiment, or just a sick joke or a really, really poorly run medical center. But I wish I could remember everything. I just can't." A part of her was okay with that.

"I always thought they made it happened," Jeremy whispered so quietly it was barely to be heard. "It seemed so... And after I woke up in... I was sure they'd done something, made you-, done something to all of us." He sucked his bottom lip into his mouth, gnawing on it for a moment, his brows furrowed and his expression making him look a little older than he really was. There were lines there that hadn't been there before, little worry lines and lines from squinting too much too long. "Especially when, the day it happened they wouldn't tell us, wouldn't take us there. To see you."

"I don't think I would have wanted you to see me in that condition. It was hard enough... I woke up in a padded room. Padded, like I was running the risk of bashing my head in or something. That's how awful it was. I wouldn't have wanted you both to see me." Cheryl reached over and settled her fingers over the nape of his neck, rubbing the skin there soothingly. "I'm sorry. For what happened to you. And to me, and Drew. None of it was fair. But I thought about you both every day. And now we're all three here, you know? Which makes some of the remaining pain easier to take."

"Nothing to be ashamed of," Jeremy sighed quietly, resting his head on his free hand. It was nice, that soothing touch, it had been a long time since he had any of that sort of comfort. "It wouldn't have mattered, we'd seen you but would've... We'd have known where you were, what happened. Wouldn't have thought less of you." It didn't mean he didn't understand, things that happened to him in that experiment, he didn't want anyone to know about, no matter if they felt the same way as he did about her breakdown.

But she was ashamed of it, even if she shouldn't have been. She felt like she let them both down somehow. She had let herself down. "I asked for you," she said. "And Drew. Most of the time I was ignored whenever I made a request." Cheryl sighed and rubbed her fingers over the back of his neck and then brushed the tips of her fingers through the hair there. It was a silly excuse to be able to touch him, but she knew any comforting touch lately would probably be welcome. "Do you want to tell me what happened to you?"

It was easier to talk about what happened to Owen who'd been there too, even those people from Experiment A he'd managed to say a little about it, but this was Cheryl and he didn't want her to know. Not because he didn't trust her or didn't want to open up to her. It was more to do with being weak in front of her, letting her catch a glimpse of what had hurt him. But she'd opened up a little to him and he'd feel like a total jerk not giving something back.

"Seems a bit like a bad dream now," he sighed, closing his eyes for a moment. He was, like most guys, much like a content dog when someone stroked the back of his neck and this time was no exception. "Isolation and pictures on a screen. Things changing. Pictures of everyone on my wall, then some would go missing. Songs on repeat for ages... Little things like that." Because she really didn't need to know about the not so little things, the things that made his insides ache with shame and dread.

"That must have been horrible," she murmured. She knew was it was like to be isolated. She had music blaring sometimes, and some days there was darkness and silence. She had occasionally wondered if those things were designed to drive her further into insanity, or if it had all been in her head. Cheryl never really knew what had actually be real. "What kind of pictures?" Cheryl asked, slipping her fingers back to massage his neck. "Pictures of others in the experiment?"

"Pictures of people from our experiment," Jeremy corrected her. "One was just an outline of a person, probably Drew, never knew at the time though. Then they took pictures down if someone left the house or-, I thought maybe they died and it was... Like it was my responsibility what happened to them." He opened his eyes and looked at her, even smiled a little to try to lessen the impact of those words. Of course he knew there was nothing he could do, but heart and brain rarely agreed on things like that.

"That's so... messed up." There wasn't a bad enough word to describe that and it made Cheryl angry all over again. It was sadistic, and twisted, that the scientists would punish Drew and Jeremy for what they'd done. Fire them, send them home... sure. But throwing them into experiments and mentally torturing them? "I'm so sorry, honey. Whatever might have happened to anyone, it wouldn't have been your fault, or your responsibility. It would have been the scientists. And I hope they all rot," she said simply.

"A few of the ones I thought were dead are all right here," Jeremy replied, trying not to wince at her harsh words. "For better or worse," he added as a bit of an afterthought, though of course he didn't wish any of them dead. Just far away and not in the same small town as them. Unlike Cheryl he didn't really feel angry at the scientists at the moment, more afraid, like they were somehow higher beings that could chase them down anywhere and listen in on anything, including this conversation.

"That doesn't change what they did," Cheryl pointed out, dropping her hand from his neck to the table. It was easy for her to get angry at what happened to her friends. She would rather focus her emotions toward that than think about her own situation. "What they did to you, and to Drew, and to everyone else. They ought to be subjected to everything they did. See if they survive nine months." She sighed and fell back in her chair, crossing her arms against her chest. She knew she was being temperamental, but she didn't care. It felt better than being afraid.

Jeremy felt much the same so he wasn't completely at ease with the topic, both the fact she was talking shit about people he still felt had them in the palm of their hands and the fact she was focusing on him. "I'm just glad Drew got out okay," he said, shifting the attention away from himself without subjecting her to it. "Can't imagine going into that house, knowing who's watching..."

"I think Drew knew who was watching," Cheryl said. "Chris Faris and all of the other interns we worked beside for three months. They were watching and they didn't do a thing to help him." She took a breath and lifted her hand to her face. "I'm sorry. I don't mean to get so riled up. I'm just so tired of being afraid and... I think I'm starting to hit my angry phase."

"Guess they were afraid they were next," Jeremy said quietly, thinking back on that chat he'd had with Chris. Something about it had made him feel bad but it wasn't something tangible, he figured it was probably just the fact they'd worked together and now met again under these circumstances.

Cheryl tried not to go off on that because she wasn't sure she believed that, after talking to Drew. "I still think they could have helped him," she said quietly. "I don't know if it was fear, or they just enjoyed their jobs. I guess it doesn't really matter now, does it? We're here and we can't change anything that's happened."

Jeremy cringed inwardly at the thought of anyone enjoying that misery of others, something he didn't associate with his own crew in Experiment A, oddly enough since he was convinced the interns of Exp C loved their jobs. "You're right," he said quietly, catching her hand with his own and offering her a tired smile. "I'm just glad you're both here and safe." If safe was the right word for it...

"Me too." There were only so many times she could say it, but she felt it every time she saw them. Cheryl knew the discussions about their situation were hard, and she smiled, squeezing his hand. "Now let's talk about something less depressing and infuriating. Maybe we can catch one of those movies they're showing at the theater? I've been dying to see one of the musicals."

"Musical shouldn't be too bad," Jeremy chuckled. "Don't think I want to see a horror movie." Seriously, why couldn't they have just shown comedy all weekend? Something light hearted and fluffy with no ethical dilemmas or human tragedy. Even sci-fi was too close to horror half the time, mutations and the black of space. "I'll go with you to see a musical," he promised, idly wondering which movies they'd be showing. Tacky oldies ore the more rebellious stuff of the sixties? He'd have to check the schedule.

"That would be great," Cheryl said with a smile. "I'll put that in the normal category along with exercising. Give it a few days and we'll be so normal we'll be boring." Which she was sort of looking forward to. She wanted quiet, and boring and mundane right now. She didn't think people could heal emotionally or mentally any other way.