private entry #1

Even knowing Jeremy is next door, and Drew is behind me, I still can't shake off the paranoia when I try to sleep. Like I'll wake up somewhere else. Or someone will try to get in. My house creaks so loudly when I'm laying in bed. So I'm typing instead. I thought about posting a public entry and seeing if anyone else was up and awake, but I'm having trouble doing that too. I don't know those people - well, some of them I know from watching them on monitors, but at this point, do I really KNOW them? Not at all.

Not to mention the abundance of assholes roaming around. I saw how they treated Jeremy and I don't know if I have the patience to put up with it like he seemingly did. I don't know what to do. Jeremy didn't want me to stay tonight and a part of me wants to go to Drew, but like Jeremy said, we're all in the same boat. And Drew does not need my mental damage while he's dealing with his own.

I'll get up tomorrow and maybe go to the park. Busy myself. I can't just sit around in this house when I feel like the walls are closing in on me. I want to talk to my mom and dad and see my brothers. I just want to go home.