[private, handwritten]

Part of me dreads seeing new people, wants them to go away.
Wants them to have died? Is this who I'm turning into? Someone who wants people to have died? FUCK ME. I won't be that person. I won't let them turn me into a monster. I won't...

But we don't have enough food here, and they keep sending people in. Something's going to break. Where is the food going? Are we just not fast enough? Is it being eaten, scarfed away by those who don't realize how to ration?

There have to be people with food in their houses, the ones missing at least. . .or someone's taking it, someone's taking the food away, the way the food just stopped at the house, it's being taken away here by - who? Are we being drugged at night?

I feel like we must have the edge, the ones of us who have survived the starving. We remember how it was, how we had to save food, how we had to learn to love feeling hungry because it meant we were still alive. We'll get through this.

So I know the starving. What don't I know? Is there something coming from the "hell house"s? Are the missing ones dead? Tortured? "Death and dismemberment" they said. We have to have been put here for a reason and it fucking wasn't recuperation. All of us know something about how to survive. We're all still alive and we can all survive together.

Or we're just all here because we're fucking crazy and we're going to die here.

And more people keep coming.